Miracles....

I have never really let anyone know of my deep desires and prayers. I have spent hours upon hours crying out to God asking Him to help me to be ok with things in my life that i can not control. One of those things for me, is having children. Matt and I have been told in the past about the obstacles we would have to go through in order to have a child. When Matt had cancer, he was told that there would be a large chance that he wouldn't be able to have kids. We were both thinking that maybe we would have to go through a long process of trying to concieve. However.. God has worked an amazing miracle.. and today i can say that God is so faithful in answering prayer.. and Matt and I are three months pregnant. I am crying as I write this because even writing it.. it doesn't seem real! I can't stop praising God and thanking Him for this amazing miracle that is being "knit together" as we speak. I feel so in awe of His amazing hand in our lives. He really does know my deepest desire!

I found out that I was pregnant while I was at home with my family watching my sister's children. My brother in law was in the hospital and was very ill. I thought that I was feeling tired from watching the kids, and an emotional week prior.. sending Matt off to Sweden alone. I had this feeling that maybe i should take a test to see if I was pregnant, but I really didn't think anything of it. When i took the test... while i was waiting that dreadful few minutes.. I prayed so hard for God to answer my prayers. I also prayed that if it wasnt' positive that He would help me to cope with the news. When i went back to read the test.. I was sure it said that i wasn't pregnant. I cried. I began to pray that God would give me strength and then I shook it off.. and decided i wouldn't mope around but would continue on with my day. About an hour later.. i started to think about the test.. and what it read. After thinking about it.. i realized i had read the test wrong!! I took 3 more tests simply to confirm, that I was in fact pregnant!

It was kind of a crazy time for me. I was leaving for Sweden in one week, and I was without my husband, and i had no idea what I should do. God really went ahead of me and worked it all out. I was able to get an ultrasound and find out that i was 8 weeks, and everything looked good! I decided to wait to tell Matt until I got to Sweden. I had this amazing plan about how I would tell him! I had it all worked out, however when i got here.. and after I saw him, things didn't go according to plan.... Once we arrived at home, I was overwhelmed with emotions from seeing our new house, and feeling so blessed. The first minute that matt and I were alone.. I just blurted out ... " I am pregnant". Not so romantic! haha He turned white right away and didn't know what to say.

Since then, we have laughed, cried, and been so excited about what is to come. It is such a scary, emotional, blessed thing!! We both feel that God performed a miracle, and we are so excited about what is to come. I feel like God's timing was perfect. We have an amazing house, that i feel totally comfortable in, we have awesome friends surrounding us, and we are doing the Lord's work. God is good! Today we went to the midwife we will be seeing here, and she told us how much of a miracle it is that Matt and I are pregnant... knowing Matt's history. I feel like God wants to use our baby already for His glory. I want Him to have ALL of the glory. He performed such an amazing work in our life, and we are forever grateful to Him.

Matt and I feel so happy, grateful, safe, and blessed. Please pray for us during this time, and pray for our little baby. Someone very special to me, wrote me an e-mail and reminded me about Pslam 139. I have read it over and over again the past few weeks. I get stuck on verses 13-16

"13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be."

Amazing. God is knitting our baby together right now, and He already knows all about him/her. What an awesome comfort. We love you all so much, and we were so excited to be able to share this news with you! Please pray for us during this time. Pray that God will grow us into the kind of parents He wants us to be. Pray that our baby is safe, and for God's hand in our lives. Pray for opportunities to share, and pray that God indeed gets all the glory, honor and praise.

So much love!!!!!!

Jess, Matt, and our little miracle!